It's Not Love It's Aestheticism

We have all heard the age-old complaint that there is "no dating at Columbia." Of course there's no dating at Columbia. We are surrounded by restaurants like Ollie's and bars like Pourhouse. We are generally neurotic and too exhausted to meet people. And we're all self-absorbed or, in some very special cases, so absorbed by theses that sexual drive becomes a mere LOL. But I have been witnessing more and more yet another phenomenon: The Avery Date.

The Avery Date is where the hypothetical "you" show up, receive text from hypothetical significant other asking where you are followed by a string of emoticons and shit, and you reply "Avery." Five minutes later sig other shows up (and I know who all of you are), and you go do your homework together - Columbia's version of foreplay. Think about it: it's completely quiet, it's called the friggin' Red Zone, every five minutes you and your date just stare silently at each other and do the footsie routine and try to get each other as excited as possible without making it obvious to your table partners (I have definitely seen this happen, while pretending to shelve books, but I won't tell. There's nothing about that sort of behavior on the red zone labels). And you get your work done, what could be sexier.

This post was random, and it's only because I'm in a rush (have class and need coffee first) and am in Butler, milling with the plebes. There are no dates here that I can see, only students who look like they have a migraine that is making them go blind. I'd hate to turn this blog into "The Avery vs Butler War," but there is a subtle war, to be dealt with later when I am not running late, not in Butler, and angry enough to type yell at all the people who return books from Butler to Avery because yeah you can do it but it's disrespectful.

Also: NE is back. 200s level just got hotter.